Painting Myself as a Freak

Joe was disturbed by my reaction to the images I found online, made by other obsessive pattern makers ... I was excited.
I was shockingly happy to find someone who made things "just like mine" .... they weren't that similar and when I looked closer I could see that...
As I explained to him... I think my excitement came from thinking they would somehow lead to a piece of my personal puzzle. Why do I make these patterns?

My excitement was short lived and hard to define... so I am not even sure what struck me...
I think Joe thought it was about me looking for a group to fit in to. He might not be wrong... I did find the images while investigating  the trading of Artist Trading Cards... and that search did have something to do with reaching out and finding a controllable  social encounter.

... a safety meeting

Home Sick

I hate using sick time ...especially when I feel like I could overcome the things that are wrong with me.... so I hate that I stayed home tonight. My back hurts . I don't get back pain all that often so I keep thinking maybe I am just being a baby about it. I have gone in so many nights with a raging ankle ... (I just started considering it part of the job.) That pain is a lot sharper ... a lot worse... but everything I do at work makes me notice this. It hurt yesterday when I went in and was worse when I came out.
So .... I have the sick hours and hopefully staying home tonight will mean that I will heal.

______update_________

I was out for two days and still feel pain when I bend. ... I never think I am sick when I am actually sick or in pain when I actually have a problem. If I am whining about something I am usually fine.... but if I say I am fine, I am either dying or angry.

The Red Elephant

This is a small Journal I carried around with me for a while. I tried to stay non objective with it and focus on patterns. I think I was attempting to wear myself out. Click on the image to view the book.