TWO WEEKS!!!!

I gave my 2 weeks .... soon I will be unemployed!

I am:
Happy
Resigned
Scared
Guilty

Deep ATC

Thingfish

Skulls from My Journal

Sinking Update

In person I am happy with the way this came out... but the scan read better before I worked on it...

The Mother Fucking Loach

I don't even know where to begin! ..............................................

When I was young.... but  probably older than I would like to admit... (11 or 12 maybe) I made this .... I found it in a little notebook at my parents house.

List of  reasons, disclaimers, and factoids...
- I wanted to play D&D but didn't have any friends into that sort of thing... so this is what I did.
- I believe there were other components that have been lost-   a map ... or a game board... ???
- I am squeamish as hell about this ... but I  also think it is so pathetic it is cute.
- Loach is a code name ... I was into letter replacement codes... but I don't know for what.... I think a loach is a fish of some kind ... but I doubt that I knew that at the time.
- Zar is probably also a coded word..... I would say I was just ripping off  Zardoz  ... I know I am ripping off many other things... but I don't think I saw Zardoz before making this ...
- Not that any of the drawings are great... but I swear that Loach isn't mine ... it just doesn't seem like I drew it ... but I don't remember working on this with anyone.... I thought of trying to draw him now ... but I am still kinda terrible at inventing fantasy creatures : ).

-SO here is ...


.......Land of Zar........

... Just a sketch from an old book.... but for some reason I am drawn to it...

Thoughtless

2.5" X 3.5" (ATC)

Greyed

6"x6"- Marker & Pen

Quitting?

(6"x6" pen and marker)

I don't think this is finished... I put it up thinking for once that I would stop short of filling every space.... but when I see it up here it seems really empty to me.

   I visited with relatives a few days ago and had a similar experience. I gave my Aunt a ball with patterns on it a long time ago. I guess my patterns have gotten a lot tighter .... I really wanted to take it back and re-visit it.... there was so much space ........ the lines were so thick!

                         -0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

I have been thinking a lot about how to describe my stuff.... how to sell it. When I try to be practical the thoughts always get tangled . BUT I am going to have to grow up quick if I am serious about quitting my job.... 
 Quitting is a cute way to put it. I don't think I could keep the job much longer if I wanted to.... I want to insert a huge rant about how unfair the situation is ..... how I could fight it....... but I will stay away from those thoughts now----- and skip to the end. I imagine,  I will take a leap and quit.... and it technically will be my decision.... but I feel so hassled and the environment feels so toxic that I think I am damaging myself staying. 
However, that means ...I need money now.  I have become accustomed to a factory workers pay check.  I will never make that much. 
   .... I didn't even know how much I made ... it didn't matter I had enough so I didn't need to really think about it. I liked that feeling... 
Now though I will actually have to worry about how expensive my supplies are ... and factor that in.... Any calculator I have looked at for pricing art work / crafts has been way off ..... my stuff would be alarmingly expensive if I factored in the time as suggested.... 
And, there are other ugly little thoughts like wondering what would sell .... my audience ... catering to them?  I really don't want those kinds of things affecting me or what I do. I already feel kinda squeamish about my work being so detailed. 
----what I mean is...
There was an off handed comment by one of my instructors once ... about people liking to buy things with a lot of detail. It was said in a slightly back handed way. SO, I kind of feel like I am tricking people or something............ I feel like I am pandering right out of the box. 

Those are just my darker thoughts though... I have done a bit of soul digging on this, and I really think I am working, and honing my drawings in a way that is genuine. I am drawing what I want to,  in a way that I want to.

I guess we will see how sleazy I will get once I actually need need the money. Hopefully I can find a balance I can live with. ...