Crazy Blue

   There was a poem I read in grade school  The Glove and the Lions. In the poem a woman throws her glove into a pit of lions to prove her lovers devotion.... he gets the glove but throws it back in spite .... because no one that loved him would do that.  

  That might not me the best description... but it is what I took from the poem. 

  And, then I expanded upon it...  kind of a fan script  for poetry. (in my version) There was another lady watching that was kind but not as glamorous and he fell in love with her. I don't remember all the details of the fantasy. I probably started simple and just imagined that they became friends .... and that she valued his life more than her image or pride, and that they were both happy. .... but knowing me I probably got tacky about it and imagined that Lions attacked her one day and He had to jump in and save her.... he probably almost died .... and she probably cried. I liked those sorts of stories. 

Even though a lot of the fantasy is half remembered... the one thought that stayed with me was this

I wanted a man who would jump into a pit of lions for me... and I wanted to be a woman who would never ask him to do it. 

I feel like a bit of a failure on my end after quitting my job and leaving Joe to shoulder the burden... supporting us both. 

I don't think there was much of a choice for me .... I gave my 2 weeks but I think I would have been forced out if I hadn't .... but somewhere, at some point, I have to admit that my pride and stuborness put the nail in the coffin of my factory job. 

Saying that I wasn't going to take it anymore felt right.... made me feel like I still had some backbone.... but I left Joe behind. 

That makes me kind of a shit.