Alone in the House

It is rare that I am alone in the house... especially at night. Joe and I are normally together 24 hours a day. This weekend however we will be separated because of a full weekends worth of mandatory overtime for Joe.

There has been this horrible pressing sensation weighing down my head and chest all week in anticipation of this. I have been angry - and sad - and accepting - and foul about this. Joe has been in pain with little knots of anxiety buried in his neck and shoulders.

I hate this feeling... I just hate it.
I don't mean being separated ... I mean that it is horrible to be powerless.

Because of the economy.... or I should say because they can get by with it because they assume we have no other options.... Our jobs have become exceptionally taxing in a degrading way. We loose ground constantly... raises ... bonuses... respectful or courteous treatment..... and even if things swing back I am already broken, I don't trust them anymore. I should get out ... but I'm a chicken.

I at least have a cute little silver lining with this ... being up late at night filled with indignant suffering has made sleep impossible.
... and so instead of trying to ignore it ... I am following some useful advice I heard recently, and I am turning my negative energy into productivity.... I have been cleaning, and writing, and playing with my dog..........and...........those things all feel good.
.................but then there's Joe he is at work.... and although I'm sure he's fine now .... and will be again tomorrow. There is next week to think of. The string of days will wear him down ... but worse than that, there will be this fear that our weekend will be stolen from us again.