I never hear any new music anymore. I have been hearing jokes about Lady GaGa and her song Poker Face ....I've seen multiple parodies, and I know that I should be sick of her crazy outfits and antics... but as far as personal experience goes, I have never heard the song or seen her. and that's how it goes for most of pop culture right now.
I watch cartoons, and Mythbusters... Iron Chef and anything that interests me on History Chanel (even though they kinda piss me off sometimes with their soft handed treatment of religion and Bigfoot)...UFC, anime . That is about it ... and movies. I watch a lot of movies.
But I have never seen American Idol or Survivor and the sitcoms that ended five years ago seem new and crazy.
I don't mind being out of step, I attach myself to what I respond to... or what I am surrounded by, and I control my environment more than ever.
I am happy with my level of exposure for the most part.
-However-
While listening to the radio, I got all excited when "Dead Mans Party" came on. I looked down at my grey and black striped shirt and my cute black hoodie polka dotted with skulls... and I felt like some super deformed Tim Burton fan.
............when I was a little younger Joe and I went to the south side ... there were all these guys in their 60's walking around that looked like Fonzie.
I guess I hate that my sensibilities are so dictated by the year I went to High School.
............to be fair to myself ....... Thinking that there was one point in my life that I was in sync with culture would be a mistake. I was always a little off and a little uncool.
I don't exactly trust my judgement sometimes...
In the past I have noticed that I can become passionate about anything around me.... The most painful examples of this come from my long varied history in retail. When I worked in Carpeting I was genuinely very enthusiastic about Olefin ... and In the Copy & Print center I dreamed of someday owning my own Xerox machine.... now in manufacturing, I have been exposed to Lean manufacturing . I have spent Hours at home and at work looking up the concepts and trying to understand the vocabulary. I have tried to discuss it with Joe when we go out to dinner. I get very wrapped up in things. I have always been obsessive...always.
Now, and for a long time I have liked Anime ..... It started with vague childhood memories
-my basement-princess- big pretty eyes- elongated wispy arms -
.... and became a huge burning question in my head, and about the time the Internet hit and sailor moon was broadcast here I found my new passion.
I wrote this in an e-mail to my cousin:
I have to admit that I am extremely curious about what series you follow and why you are attracted to manga in general.
I have wondered the same thing about myself... and I always arrive at the same few concepts:
- Nostalgia...
When I was young (kindergarten) I would run home to watch Battle of the Planets. I was too young to think about it analytically but I believe I responded to the emotional complexity of the anime . There was romance and sadness and action and anger. Seeing the same characters experience such a range... made it possible to become deeply and emotionally connected.The effect was amplified for me because it was animated, a media that seems suited to expressiveness. I craved that same depth in the cartoons I watched for the rest of my life.
AND
Princess the female character in Battle of the Planets wore thigh high white leather boots and used a yo yo as a weapon that could kill people... so I wanted to be just like her.
AND
Princess the female character in Battle of the Planets wore thigh high white leather boots and used a yo yo as a weapon that could kill people... so I wanted to be just like her.
- The Cool Factor... (this is the least important reason)
Even though now I see that there is actually quite a range of styles depending on the genre of anime you are into. When I rediscovered anime in the 90's (... sometimes called japanamation at that time) a lot of flashy and visually dynamic action oriented shows and movies were pushed ... and they just dazzled me. I thought anime looked super amazing....and.... there was this insider feel to it. I am embarrassed to say that I kind of enjoyed that. If you liked anime there was a certain amount of effort that had to be put into following it. Sometimes we would get series out of order or in raw Japanese that was a fifth generation copy and barely watchable. It was carried only at special stores. The toys were hard to find without ebay... so when you tracked something down , it felt almost like you were proving your dedication and happily engaging in obsessiveness.I liked that feeling.
Meeting other fans was rare, and there was this connectivity, it kind of felt like you knew a secret the rest of the world had missed. There was a kinship surrounding the otaku, at least there seemed to be a mutual respect for a shared passion.
-Japanese sensibilities...
Ranma 1/2 broke me into a whole new world of expression. It was my first experience as an adult with some of the Japanese romantic archetypes that I am compelled by. I love the sort of awkward and painful outward reserve shown by a lot of the characters while internally there is a contrasting passion ... and the expression or communication of feeling, is what all other plot points or character development is driven by. When I first experienced that with Ranma... it resonated with me ...
I can make many parallels between the things I respond to in anime and my own life. I have never been socially...comfortable. I have ideas and feelings inside of me that come out in explosive messy and awkward ways ...(except for Joe) I never think that I convey what I feel to anyone in a way that they will understand ... It is frustrating ... but there is also something invigorating even within that frustration.
Even though now I see that there is actually quite a range of styles depending on the genre of anime you are into. When I rediscovered anime in the 90's (... sometimes called japanamation at that time) a lot of flashy and visually dynamic action oriented shows and movies were pushed ... and they just dazzled me. I thought anime looked super amazing....and.... there was this insider feel to it. I am embarrassed to say that I kind of enjoyed that. If you liked anime there was a certain amount of effort that had to be put into following it. Sometimes we would get series out of order or in raw Japanese that was a fifth generation copy and barely watchable. It was carried only at special stores. The toys were hard to find without ebay... so when you tracked something down , it felt almost like you were proving your dedication and happily engaging in obsessiveness.I liked that feeling.
Meeting other fans was rare, and there was this connectivity, it kind of felt like you knew a secret the rest of the world had missed. There was a kinship surrounding the otaku, at least there seemed to be a mutual respect for a shared passion.
-Japanese sensibilities...
Ranma 1/2 broke me into a whole new world of expression. It was my first experience as an adult with some of the Japanese romantic archetypes that I am compelled by. I love the sort of awkward and painful outward reserve shown by a lot of the characters while internally there is a contrasting passion ... and the expression or communication of feeling, is what all other plot points or character development is driven by. When I first experienced that with Ranma... it resonated with me ...
I can make many parallels between the things I respond to in anime and my own life. I have never been socially...comfortable. I have ideas and feelings inside of me that come out in explosive messy and awkward ways ...(except for Joe) I never think that I convey what I feel to anyone in a way that they will understand ... It is frustrating ... but there is also something invigorating even within that frustration.
I don't know if it is because culturally the Japanese tend to be a very reserved and formal people, but I often see in their art expressions of the conflicting duality between internal and external self image. And I think there is a beauty to some of the familiar anime stereotypes. especially because they don't seem to shy away from the painful and crushing feelings that seem to be the flip side of wonderful experiences like Joy and love and cheerfulness. To me showing the pain that leads to happiness, makes it seem earned, and brings greater satisfaction.
Well I better wrap this up................... I keep thinking of other tangents to go off on and lists of specific scenes from different series that have impacted me .... this is beginning to sound like any essay ... and I want to real it back in and give it more of a personal edge. I also feel like I am somehow lecturing you and I don't want that either.
Basically-
I like sweet things -and violent things -and tragic things--ugliness---things that seem hopeless -combated with unbelievable optimism and determination...I like cuteness and sentimentality----SO----I like Anime, a lot. It makes me laugh and giggle and cry .... and I like letting go and allowing myself to indulge in those sorts of feelings.It was probably a strange e-mail for her especially since we rarely communicate via e-mail.................. but inappropriate or not I posted it here because I wanted to tell you (the fantasy audience that exists only in my head) how much I really liked anime .... and I felt like I was repeating myself.
ANYWAY---- long fucking way just to get to this point-------
Sometimes I actually enjoy running into an anime I don't care for .... it makes me feel like I have some ability to discern.
I worry that I am a fraud .... do I only like anime because it was on when I was in kindergarten ... Horror movies because in the 80's it was cool to like horror movies..... Star Trek because Joe liked it.... I don't think I'm being fake .... I don't feel fake..........
-BUT-
there are quite a few movies that I am pretty sure I like only because I saw them over and over on HBO when we first got it. That makes me feel kind of like a rube.
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