Change and Anxiety

I am sitting on the edge of making so many decisions that will affect the rest of my life.

The biggest potential change comes with convincing my Dad to get an apartment near us.

He doesn't seem able to keep up the house anymore. I feel that it is because he is mentally defeated.... but .... he is 69 years old, overweight and handicapped. So it isn't simple. Soothing his psychological needs can't be the only answer anymore.

I have been pushing very hard for this.... I don't like doing that .... actually I hate it .
BUT
... my Dad seems so unhappy. He has been since Mom died. I think he is lonely, and unable to find the companionship he needs. Joe and I can't fill that gap.

Having Dad within walking distance will be nice .... but ... slightly terrifying...

I am very concerned that the safe bubble we have constructed around our lives is about to pop.

I like the reliable home we have established.... No one ever comes over unannounced, we are safe here.... I don't want that altered because of proximity. ...the people who visit him may wish to visit us.... they may not understand why it would be unacceptable to pop in. I don't know that I trust my Dad to keep the walls up.... he seems like he would be a bad gate keeper. .... So far I have been safe without directly offending anyone(.... well not too many people). I don't want expose my true nature on this I guess... and now I can see many potentially confrontational situations that I am not quite prepared for.

I do not wish to hurt anyone ... but there are certain things that I will not compromise, the sanctity of boundaries is Deeply important to me ... I will not bend , because if I do , I -and Joe along with me, will be miserable. That is unacceptable.
However being a bit of a coward... I just hope the issue never comes up.

That was a lot more likely when Dad lived on Herbert street.