Dreams

I had my first terrible dream about Boris the other night. There wasn't much to the dream, but it tapped into some part of my brain, and I was made to experience it.
Basically I was walking Boris, the Leash broke, and he ran away. So we all (I think I was with a bunch of cowboys on a ranch for some reason) split up and looked for him. ...and I found him dead. I remember feeling guilt because somehow it had been my fault... and I remember how his heavy dead body felt as I carried him back crying. I couldn't shake the feeling of the dream for hours,it still makes me tense now even though Boris is belly up sleeping next to me.
Joe and I never have nice dreams... Joe's are tense mine are horrific. I remember Joe telling me about a dream he had ....there may have been more to it .... but .... we were holding hands backed up against a wall and water was rising all around us, in the dream he knew we were going to die, but he remembers it being OK with him because we were together. I think it is sweet.... but I think it was still tense for him and he woke up with a terrible headache.
I have way too many stories about dreams.... and the great thing about me is mine don't stop when I wake up. I keep waking Joe up screaming telling him to kill a rat that he can't see sitting on the end of the bed ready to bite him,or crying because something is crawling on me. Once I remember looking over at Joe and his face was smashed in... there was blood everywhere, I remember there being deep pits filled with black clotting blood and bright red liquid blood running down and staining the sheets..... and I knew I had done it. so I freaked out.... screaming once again. That woke up Joe... He had to talk to me for a few minutes to convince me that I hadn't killed him. I remember it vaguely.... I don't know what he said at all.... I think I was kind of hysterical but I remember as he talked to me I could still see the wounds.... the longer he talked the less severe they became and finally I believed him when he told me nothing was wrong.
OK this one is funnier... when Joe and I were first going out.... we fell asleep in my room.... All of a sudden I jumped out of the futon ran across the room and started screaming in the corner. I was mad this time. In the dream Joe and I were at HoChunk Casino. they were giving away these stuffed dinosaur tails that you wore around your waist dragging behind you....each tail had spots to put poker chips. The chips were triangular and fit into the tail like the spines on Godzilla. Joe kept stepping on my tail and taking my poker chips!!!! It made me very angry. It took about an hour before I believed it was all just a dream.... I was very poutty about it and Joe just kept laughing...and that pissed me off more.... Poor Joe.
When I was younger maybe 3rd grade I had a dream about my best friend at the time Irene. We were sitting in a tree watching people shoot targets at an archery range. One of the arrows strayed and shot her through the heart, and she was dying. I went to run and get help, but , when I brought someone back Irene turned into a doll, and I was chastised for playing a practical joke.When they left Irene would be begging me for help and crying..... this went back and forth for a while... until finally she died. The next night the dream continued. This time I was in a barn brushing my horse (Named Liberty)... in the corner of the stable was a stool .... with the doll of Irene.... and because she was mad at me she knocked over a hurricane lamp and burned the barn to the ground. I got out, but Liberty did not. So in the second part of that dream Liberty bit me in the head because he was mad that I let him burn up. ........ I have this drawing I did in school, it is this folded over piece of news print- on the front cover is this cute crayon drawing of me brushing my horse..... and on the inside the horse is biting me in the head and there is like a gush of this blue grey water coming out.
Writing this ..... I just keep thinking of more ..... weird terrible dreams ....and different stages of hallucinations....
-for a while I woke up and saw bugs crawling all over the wall.... sometime those were pretty though and would leave little tailing patterns of light.
-Sometimes I walk around and end up in weird places.
-I went through a stage where I was awake but I couldn't move ... and I would stop breathing.... and I would panic.... I knew if I could touch Joe (who was next to me) I would be OK but I couldn't get my hand to move.... I would finally snap out of it but that was just fucking horrible to go through.
-About a year ago I would wake up convinced I was dying and my heart would start racing.... and I could hear my heartbeat..... I couldn't ignore it... and it wouldn't let up for hours .... I couldn't tun it out ..... that led to me not being able to sleep at all because I couldn't escape my beating heart...... and not sleeping is a whole other topic.....
This is getting too long..... and I sound like a freak.... so I am going to stop ......... :) I am at a pretty good stage right now anyway..... and I have been sleeping pretty well.